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Talk:Richard Dawkins
Richard Dawkins Richard Dawkins is a tea-drinking Brit and a "whiny bitch" "bitchy whiner" 1 born in Nairobi, Afrika, who reconverted to Anglicanism after quitting and has been married three times and has a daughter, Juliet (now an Oxford student who votes Lib Dem), from his second wife, Eve Barham, who died of kanser. He is now married to a somewhat famous British movie actress, Lalla Ward (that chick from Doctor Who who slept with Tom Baker), whom he doesn't talk much about, despite having written an article against sexual jealousy and in favor of promiscuity on the Web site of the Washington Compost. In fact, he has had lahts of secks with Ward, but he is so sexually jealous that he has never uploaded a video of his sex acts to JewTubeYouPorn. Nowadays Dawkins is still a closet Anglican after requitting after reconverting. Because of his insecurities over his closet Anglicanism, he now makes sure that everyone in the world knows that he is "an atheist", in the style of a 4chantard: I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST I'M AN ATHEIST In doing this, Dawkins has made sure that ☞you get depicted as an idiot who doesn't read biology textbooks, and who, two centuries after the birth of modern geology and evolutionary biology, doesn't have a clue about evolution. And, in deed, this is true for one half of ☞you. Dawkins is now considered a B list celebrity who invented the meme and became an hero to his hippy fanboys for telling the religious that they were all ignorant 'tards. Dwakins's militant attitude, unwarranted self-importance, and relentless self-promotion cause some people to view him as the Osama bin Laden of atheism. He can be kindly described at best as "a raging anus." Contents hide 1 Early life 2 Religion 2.1 Fanbois 3 Future Plans 3.1 Culture 3.2 Biology 3.3 WTF???? 3.4 Musical career 4 True intentions 5 Fact of the day 6 See Also editEarly life I'll bet he was . . . “ Being fondled by the Latin master in the Squash Court was a disagreeable sensation for a nine-year-old, a mixture of embarrassment and skin-crawling revulsion, but ... as soon as I could wriggle off his knee, I ran to tell my friends and we had a good laugh, our fellowship enhanced by the shared experience of the same sad pedophile. I do not believe that I, or they, suffered lasting, or even temporary damage from this disagreeable physical abuse of power. Given the Latin Master's eventual suicide, maybe the damage was all on his side. „ —Accurate quote! editReligion Richard Dwakins politely debating the merits of religion with a theist Dwakins claims that all religion is STUPID AND EVIL. God is a delusion, Christianity is just as dumb as Scientology, angels = Mooninites, et cetera. For this he is oft-labeled a Fundamentalist athiest and IRL troll. Nonetheless, his books are insanely successful, and his lectures are well-attended by smarmy college kids. Religious people, whom he calls "faith-heads," seem to be obsessed with putting him in intellectual checkmate, but it always winds up with the players just beating each other about the head with the chessboard. Dwakins produced a Michael Moore-style "documentary" called "Religion: The Root of all Evil?" Butthurt theologian Alister McGrath wrote two whole books, "Dwakins' God" and "The Dwakins Delusion," devoted to tearing him down; Dwakins is now working on "Alister McGrath: a Rapist?" in the tradition of respectful scholarly discourse. "From a Darwinian perspective, sexual jealousy is easily understood." 3rd accurate quote! Dwakins and his buddy Daniel Dennett don't like the term "athiest," because "atheism is just the disgruntled noises people make in the face of religious dogmatism." They prefer to use a positive and affirming term: “ Those of us who subscribe to no religion; those of us whose view of the universe is natural rather than supernatural; those of us who rejoice in the real and scorn the false comfort of the unreal, we need a word of our own, a word like "gay". „ —2nd accurate quote! editFanbois Which one is it? 90% of militant atheists on the net are raving Dwakins fanboys. Clear evidence for this can be seen in his entry on Urban Dictionary (lulz are in the rejected definitions). To troll them, try politely suggesting Dwakins is maybe a little too forceful in his ideological crusade - instant rants and butthurts will follow. The other 10% hate Dwakins as much as any xtian because he is not killing enough xtians/because they want to seem cool. The 10% fight back. A gift fit for a fag. Additionally, a certain fanboy accidentally broke a true story, naively thinking that his idol is above sex. However, once he wrote his blog he mysteriously received a not insubstantial amount of gifts for his Habbo on the condition that he STFU. Many Bothan spys died while tracing back the source of these goods, which turned out to be the Richard Dwakins Foundation itself. Certain members of Dwakin's PR team, knowing the real situation decided that rather than being true to Dawkin's belief that sex is good, it would be better for his image if they just kept the whole thing on the down low. Despite having been bribed into silence, the fanboy writes: "Let it be known that I still hold Richard Dwakins in the highest of regards and do not believe a word that the RRS said about him, and I hold the Rational Response Squad in the greatest contempt and my removal of these posts had nothing to do with those pan troglodytic boobs (quite literally in the case of one of the higher-ups)." editFuture Plans Notorious Christian crystal queen Ted Haggard once offered to give Richard Dwakins AIDS. Dwakins rudely declined. Richard Dwakins plans to be the next L. Ron Hubbard of the atheist movement. The word "belief" will be outlawed and the only things that people can think about without being emotionally abused or physically attacked are that things Ayn Rand says are the ultimate truth, and cannot be questioned. Ever. This is called "Free Thought." He does not plan on being gang banged by demon niggers while burning in Hell, which is ironic because thats exactly what is going to happen. editCulture Dwakins invented a new way of looking at culture. His genius could pave the way for a new understanding of social phenomena! Trip on this bitches: have you ever thought of different cultural trends as being sort of like viruses? Like how if someone gets excited about a movie and then everyone is sort of "infected" by the "craze?" You have? Oh. Anyway, Dwakins' amazing new theory is based on his idea of "just take a biological framework and slap it onto whatever the fuck you want." He calls it memetics. He also invented the word meme, which no one on the internet uses. no srsly. Calling all 13 year old boys . . . South Park got it right editBiology In the early 2000s, Dwakins gave up on biology to become a troll. A local legend dictates that if you give Dwakins a raw onion and/or a statue of Gary Busey, he will give you the key to a random Ford SUV. editWTF???? Simply to confuse all those stupid sheeple, Richard Dwakins has recently annonced he is in fact a Christian. Srsly. Although he is probably only saying this because he's sick of all the drama he's caused The main reason for the sudden revelation is because if there aren't any Christians to LOL at, most of his atheist fanbois would stop sucking his dick. editMusical career Richard Dwakins is including this song on his up coming album called "Straight Outta Oxford" Another hit on the album is "Fuck Da Christians" The most famous part of the album is the end where he says "Constantly studying, locked up in the dorm because I have no friends, that's the way it goes in the University Of Oxford, boy." editTrue intentions Richard Dwakins has recently announced he wants to kill religion, just in case anyone thought he wasn't as much a fundamentalist as Osama Bin Laden. After all, Osama only killed 3000 on 9/11, but there are more than 5 billion religious. He says so somewhere in this video. No he doesn't. They just blab about how some science is pointless but facinating nonetheless. editFact of the day Dwawkins as a girl Richard Dwakins was born a woman and was originally named "Andrea Dworkins ", a thinly disguised anagram. "Dworkins" achieved notoriety by claiming that "men was responsible for all rape" and that "all religion perpetrate the patriarchal oppression of wimmin". After reading the Idiot's Guide to Genetical Engineerdom and noticing that nobody who matters listens to fat ugly lesbians, "Dworkins" reinvented herself with a penis made of thigh fat and was transformed from ranting feminist pedagogue to ranting aetheistic pedogague in a flash. editSee Also christianhillbilly Atheists TheAmazingAtheist Religion Christians Trolls Richard Dawkins is part of a series on potential Science projects. Science Theory Bill Nye • Theoretical physics • God • Existence • Evolution • Global Warming • Memes • Richard Dawkins • Computer Science III • Large Hadron Collider • Apophis • How is babby formed? • The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz Proven by Science JEWS DID WTC • God hates fags • Cubic time • Raelism • Scientology • Trepanation Science in Action Drugs! Sex! Creationism! Fire! Uranium! Lens flare! Diabeetus! Heart! With your powers combined I am Captain Planet! 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